It’s been 19 days since my last cigarette and I’m coughing more than I ever had when smoking. I’ve been back in London since day one trying to change some things in my life. I now exercise three times a week and eat more fruta y verduras (I’m also spending half an hour every morning studying Spanish). While common wisdom (in this case I’m a subscriber) would deem this good living I have to wonder why I’m doing it. I believe it will make me feel better. I believe it will make me healthier. But I don’t believe it will help me with the problem I’m really trying to solve. At least not directly.
What I’m really trying to understand is, why I’m doing all this. For now I’m putting a little faith in self control, hoping that I don’t fall down the rabbit hole and find myself a thirty year old high school teacher with a healthy credit rating getting serious value out of a gym membership. For now I’ll content myself with the thought that I have to get to know the world around a little better before I can answer more serious questions.
I find it comforting to rhyme this stage of my lifestyle quest with my Spanish education. If I do the ground work patiently and persistently I might just surprise myself someday.